Coming back around

I'm familiar with the expression "the road to hell is paved with the best of intentions". I've always taken it to mean, no matter how virtuous your intentions may be, ultimately it is your actions that matter most. Causing harm is still causing harm even if you don't mean to.

Sometimes I wonder if another twist on that expression is that great intentions themselves send us on spirals downward, if we overlook our limitations.

The last six months have felt a lot like, two steps forward, two steps back, though I know that's an unfair assessment.

My mental health took a blow at the end of last summer. My team at work has been consistently understaffed, and promises to bring on more people, alleviate some of the load, etc - have taken too long, and been too little on arrival. There was a brief respite in the fall, a few sweet weeks of having my feet under me, before it all spiralled out of control again.

I'm out of touch with myself. I thought I had a handle on things. I had a decent amount of time off over the holidays, and thought that I could keep it together, day by day, just getting over each hurdle as it came. Turns out I was further down the rabbit hole than I thought.

I've been off work since the new year, but going back at the beginning of February. I feel ready - I miss people, I miss a reason to get up in the morning and DO things. I've been pretty good at not completely succumbing to laziness, and moping around the house in my pyjamas, but it's hard to get up early in the dark when I don't NEED to. It's hard to get out of the house when it's freezing or too mild for January and raining, when I don't HAVE to go anywhere. Laziness is easy.  Especially in winter.

But I've been needle felting and colouring and keeping the house clean and seeing my therapist and my medication got upped, just a little - so I'm trying to focus on that, that I'm still growing gods damnit, I have not been stagnant simply letting my mind go empty. I've also been doing a lot of winter birding, which has been lovely on my head - out in the fresh air whenever it's a few degrees above "I can't feel my fucking face".

My favourite band (Florence + the Machine) has a book club which I mentioned briefly before -- it's nice to be reading again, and reading things that are outside my usual scope of interest.

At the same time, I'm plodding through Gods and Myths of Northern Europe (HR Ellis Davidson). It's actually a more enjoyable read than I was led to expect - not as scholarly or dry as I feared, it's just competing with a lot of other brainspace right now. It has given me an unexpected new attachment to Thor, who surprisingly has been a god I haven't worked much with, but plan to start.

My felted creations will be going up on my Etsy soon, and I have lots more planned once I can get my mitts on more wool.

I am not going to promise to be vastly more active, because I'm certainly not out of the woods yet, but my intention, hell-bound though it may leave me, is to be more active here, to pick up where I left off and really make something of this again.

Because no matter where I end up, one thing is certain: without intention I won't go anywhere.

Winter

I've been so quiet!

I got an indigo giftcard from work - I'm going to be ordering some books, getting back on track with my reading.

I had plans for a post delving yet again into the powerful death-vibes of 2016. The darkness swirling in the world, the realizations and understandings I've come to over the past several months. I was going to write about emotional abuse and gaslighting, about my stepping away from a toxic environment and how long it took me to wake up from that.

But y'know what? Fuck that. The world is in a hellhole right now and I can't bring myself to feed the yucky feels any longer.

So I'm going to quickly sum up some of the awesome fucking shit that's been going on.

I've been celebrating every sabbat/esbat/etc in style. My group of four (myself included) have made a point to get together. Our rituals are loose, informal affairs, but our energy is wonderfully in sync, so even if we allow ourselves to be casual and silly, we still have great synergy and I can feel that we are connected. The love in our little group is unbelievable. My wife, is of course, my wife, my best friend, the love of my life. Garm has come to help in the yard many times, we feed him supper, he took my wife to the emergency room the other night to get some stitches looked at, while I was stuck at work. (She's absolutely fine by the way.) Nootls has helped us around the house, we've hosted her on the couch as she has quite a drive to get home, we've babysat her dog. She just hooked us up with Reindeer hides, mine I'm using as a throw on the couch.

Mabon

I managed to source a suckling pig - Yule is in the middle of the week and I have no time off, so we'll likely do our great Yule feast a little later - but I am so beyond excited.

We got our yard cleaned up, and a few things planted - it snowed today, and I still have raked leaves to bag, but come spring we can start fresh on much better footing than this time last year. We got to harvest some garden sage and lavender from our herb garden.

I finished reading the first half of Taking Up the Runes - I have the elder Futhark memorized, and their meanings, and finally made myself a set of runes. 

I have other rune books to read and more study to do - the runes are a lifetime journey, I feel - but I'm beyond happy to understand them even at a baseline now.

We bought a sewing machine - my wife and I - and we each made a cloak. I'm madly in love with mine. I then made a viking style apron dress and tunic to go with it. So I finally have real, handmade ritual garb!

Stylin'

I did some major altar work as well. My current altar I inherited second-third-?? hand, and it was battered and covered in sticky tape residue. I did love it despite (or because of?) it's well-loved look, but I wanted to refresh it. I attacked it with sandpaper, sanded parts of it down to bare wood, others simply deep enough into the finish to smooth over the gouges, the old adhesive gunk. I then refinished the whole thing with a more matte-paint-like stain and replaced all the hardware. It has a fresh new look now and I adore it. <3

 

 

Looks good as new!! There are "before" pics back in my blog somewhere I'm sure...

I also worked at making a small Odin and Sleipnir statues for the Alfather's altar. Sleipnir I felt was particularly genius. I bought two paper mache unicorns at a local arts n' crafts store...and murdered them to make a hybrid 8-legged steed.   

I mentioned snow.

Well that was a shock! I can't remember the last time that the first snow I saw in the year was an actual "snow storm". It's not quite cold enough to stick here as we're near the coast, so we got mostly wet slushy snow and rain - but still more than flurries. The wind was intense and COLD this morning.
I need to get those damn leaves bagged up before they get buried. It's supposed to be another rough winter.

Secretly I'm excited? I love snowstorms and snow days and being curled up with a warm drink listening to the wind howl outside. It's a bit scarier when you own a house vs. an apartment, but damn, it's still so comforting.

I've been busy-busy the last few weeks, but feeling very driven. I have a new gorgeous leatherbound book to make into a proper BOS - I have plans to use pressed plants, colour, polaroids - and make it a mishmashed work of art. I'm ready to bring back the activity into other parts of my spiritual life - not just rituals, but meditations, real practice, get reading and blogging again.

Here's to the rapidly approaching end of this majestic shit-show of a year!  

Of wolves among men

Some very exciting spiritual things have been afoot. I've been working steadily at getting through Taking Up The Runes. I had tried once and found myself overwhelmed, but I think I was ready to learn them this time, since I feel more comfortable with my learning. Paxson has earned herself though the dubious distinction of writing the only book I've ever willfully defaced with both pen and highlighter. Long after the book was bought I found out she has some yucky "subtle racism" stuff going on - nothing neo-nazi but just... naive and facepalm worthy, so I've had to make some, um, corrections. I'd have turned to a better book, except there don't appear to be any - every rune book I've uncovered has some nasty "folkish" heathen baggage attached, so it's come to "learn what I can, take the rest with a grain of salt". Sigh.

But the past week or so, I've been thinking a lot about certain animals, their place in myth, spirituality, and science.

A new-ish totem creature has been emerging for me, one whose symbolically ascribed meanings tend towards gluttony, savagery, attitude for days, wild animal abandon, and general orneriness. It's a little known critter, and upon good old fashioned learning about the animal and it's behavior, is not nearly so ornery as is thought. I've decided to learn what this little creature has to teach me, not just in what others think of her, but in what she feels like to me. And this got me thinking.

I read a piece I stumbled upon from March, (Link) about wolves in heathenry, how many people call themselves "wolves among men" or "wolves of Odin" as a sort of fancy title for themselves. The article pondered that wolves are enemies, preying on the weak, gluttonous and greedy and dangerous - that they are not things to emulate, they are things to defend our communities against. The wolves who accompany the Alfather do so because one of his aspects is death, so the wolves are not the most positive side of him. Wolves are the dangerous outsiders stealing our sheep, and threatening our very lives when we enter the woods.

 If those qualities truly belonged to the wolf, I'd be inclined to agree that "wolf people" are perhaps to be avoided. But I happen to know a wolf person, and I also know a decent amount about wolves. So the question I asked myself was - when we work with animal spirits, symbols, archetypes, totems - should we rely only on the mythology of these creatures - or, should we look too, to what we know about them in the modern day?

Wolves are not dangerous antisocial predators among their own - far from it. Wolves are born and bred to be social, it is part of their DNA. The pack hunts together, lives together, shares in caring for the young, and protects each other from their rivals. Wolves are loyal in that way,  and their familial bonds are crucial to their survival. While wolves are territorial, packs do interact, and "lone wolves" may find packs to join and become a part of a community in this way.
As for gluttony, it is true that wolves gorge massive amounts of meat at a kill - sometimes more than 20 pounds in a sitting. But wolves also succeed in the hunt less than 10% of the time - this is not gluttony, but opportunity. An animal who may spend a week or more between meals must make the most of what he can. If moments of joy are few and far between in a world rather at odds with how a lot of us would like to be living, drinking every drop that comes your way is making the most and best of life while you can. (To be fair though, calling yourself a "wolf among sheep" is perhaps something of a predatory statement - or perhaps you're such a rather inept wolf that penned sheep are all you can catch. )

The wolves that appear in Norse myth are certainly not benevolent by and large, but they have their place, too. Fenrir will slay Odin at Ragnarok, and play his part in the end of the world, but when the dust settles, a new world has begun. Death is part of life - you can't have one without the other. In our modern world, the fear of the wolf can subside - though their place in mythology is important, they are an intrinsic part of the world we live in, the cycle of life and death that is woven in all of nature. If you would see the wolf as only a force of destruction and chaos, remember that our planet was born a ball of fire and gas, and that everything eventually breaks to become something new.

So many of these animals were once our ancient foes, and we were right to fear them, for they are mighty and formidable - but now, as the natural world vanishes before we are even done understanding it, remember that between wolves and men, only one kills for sport, consumes more than he ever needs, and doesn't look after his brothers. I've learned the hard way this past year, that sometimes the enemy is already living inside the gates.

I think I'll stick with the wolves.

Still alive

So I've been scarce. I still have a lot churning in my brain I have to unpack before I can really tell much about it. 

I've been oddly disconnected lately. My altar sat in a mess for two weeks, I finally got it back in order, and realized (somewhat guiltily) that I haven't made any offerings to my gods in... Awhile. I at least haven't been begging their help either, so I'm not being exploitive or needy, but I need to get on that. 

Some of it is just business. After a few blissful months, work has been hectic because of vacations leaving us perpetually short a body. It's still nowhere near as bad as it was--but still a culture shock, and of course it's coupled with summer being such a busy time in the "real world". A few of my lovely IDGAF brethren pointed out that spiritual energy ebbs and flows like any other--and summer is a season of life and busy activity, so it may be somewhat natural that physical realm matters are keeping me tied and away from the otherworldly ones.

But I can hear voices, feel brushes of fire "out there" and I've slipped into old lazy habits of not making time to go see them. 

A new energy is approaching me as well, and I am 99% certain I know who it is--based on feels and readings and my Familiar's input. It's going to make things... Interesting. I can't even honestly question why he showed up. I know in my heart I called him, in my own way, without wholly meaning to, but simply in the way these things happen. 

I finished my fifth book since my Initiation (of 6 "learning opportunities" needed in a year). A Deed Without a Name by Lee Morgan. 

I enjoyed it quite a bit, though I have...a few issues with it. The author clearly has their own very specific definition of what a witch is--which is fair. I don't quite fit it, but still found s lot of value. That the book lends no real credence or credit to other ways of doing things, of other "types" of witches, may be bias or just "short book". The book seems to imply, for example, that carnal interactions with one's familiar or "fetch mate" are very common, but I don't know many self-described witches who've had encounters like that. The author makes mention of "the Master" but never really explains who that is.  Whether that is meant to mean "the devil" or some other force is never really clear. 

The author also lists several rituals at the back of the book--gives fairly explicit instructions (while stressing for some that this should only be done if you are already skilled in the area) and provides chants for them which she doesn't explain. Some are in English, but she never says anything about where they came from--whether they are made up or historical. There are also chants in some... Non-English language (they don't look like any language I'd be even remotely familiar with.) There is no info given about what language they are in, what they mean or where they came from. They could be made up nonsense words for all you can tell. Given the stress on being experienced before trying these things, giving mysterious chants in full with no context or background seems oddly dangerous a practice. 

This reminds me a lot of A Witch Alone, a book I found a lot of issues with--but still got a lot out of, in the end. I'd recommend it if the subject matter is of interest, but I took a fair bit of it with a grain of salt.

My next book... Since I'm apparently feeling both brave and crazy, will be RitualCraft by Azrael Arynn K and Amber K. It's... Huge and fine print and oh god I might be crazy.

Hope to have more soon.

Illness, Books, Mead and Horn

I've been a bit under the weather as of late--almost literally. The climate this year is fubar, and it's not uncommon for us to swing from temperatures in the positives--as high as plus 6 or 7 (Celsius) to minus 20 or more with windchill. This has been screwing with a lot of people health wise, since nobody can get adjusted to the climate. We're also finally entering the stormy weather part of winter. This has never really been an issue before the last few months, but I've been getting headaches, which my wife and my doctor both think are migraines, sometimes lasting DAYS before a weather event. I'm not sure if it's age, or stress, or what brought this new thing on, but man. The pain isn't debilitating alone, but after that long, it drags on me. I've also been having bad breathing the last few weeks, despite taking my puffers pretty steadily. I now have a script for an oral steroid to help my breathing, and for migraine abortives to help the headaches, and I'm going to be sent for a CT scan to make sure the headaches have no worrisome underlying cause. Prednisone spent most of the day fucking up my guts and making me feel like general poop. Bleh.

I just wanted to share that, since I'm actually kinda proud of how much I've accomplished in the last few weeks despite feeling like shite so often.

I ordered four new books with giftcards I got at Christmas (we jokingly coined in Bookmas). The Prose Edda, the Poetic Edda (translated) a book called "Elves, Wights and Trolls", and "By Land, Sky and Sea" by Gede Parma. I finished the Prose Edda and moved on to Gede Parma as a change of pace before I tackle the Poetic Edda. I'm enjoying Gede Parma's book enough that at some point when I get all of this sorted, I want to read Penczak's Shamanic Temple.

Once I'm done all four of these books, I'll have 4 of my 6 required "further learning experiences" needed for the year, to maintain my IDGAF Initiate status. I need to catch up on my Land Stewardship--with the weather so up-and-down, it's been hard. I have a suet cake to put out for the local birds, but whenever we're due for cold temperatures and snow, we're scheduled to get pouring rain within a day or so, which will melt the suet. I've been trying to wait for a bit of consistently cold weather, and it just ain't happenin'. I want to get it out there, too, because the mild temperatures at the start of winter meant that a lot of birds who would normally migrate stuck around late, and are now struggling in the colder weather. (Birdwatcher. I know these things.)

We bottled our sweet mead batch this Tuesday, as I was home from work due to severe weather. It's been sitting for months while I waited to make sure it was ready--and it's actually drinkable now, not needing to be aged longer in bottle. It has a sweet honey finish that is somewhat floral. I like it.

Last, but not least, I finally finished the cleaning and fancying of my drinking horn. It took a lot of work to get it clean, and for awhile I despaired actually getting it clean enough to drink from--it had a horrible smell that wouldn't go away. I finally soaked it with rubbing alcohol, and then scrubbed it before curing it twice with Guiness. Now it smells like nothing when dry, and a bit like CowBeer when wet. To make it more "mine", I dressed it up with some leather (which I cut, stamped/carved, and dyed myself) and a small carving.


A shot of the carving and stitch work in the back...  The carving was "darkened" slightly with plain old brown colored pencil (Prismacolour, which are wax based) to help it stand out since I couldn't really get it deep enough with the tools I had to make it "pop" on it's own.

 And the leather work on the front! The dragon is (in case it wasn't obvious) a pretty important personal symbol for me, hence why I added one.

I have been "informed" that to consecrate the horn, I need to use it in a blot to Odin when we do our Imbolc rite, (which we are waiting on for the weather to be more "end of winter in sight" than it is now;) using our own home made mead. 

I will mention a little bit about my decision to engrave the horn with the Valknut. I have seen a million and a half explanations of what that symbol supposedly means, the only historically accepted one is "knot of the slain" and "something something Odin" (It's seriously really vague and not seen much.) I've seen some modern heathen takes on the symbol, ranging from "Odin can take you (ie. get you killed) whenever he wants to be Einherjar--and you're cool with that" (I haven't been able to find any source for where this came from though) to "sworn to/works with Odin". My take is more the latter - I associate the symbol with Odin, he has given me things in meditations bearing that symbol, and I accepted the challenge of taking and keeping these gifts. He was willing to allow me to put the symbol on this horn, provided I consecrate it in the manner described above.

(In case anybody who stumbles on this needs it clarified--the Valknut is not a racist symbol. Some skinhead groups have appropriated it, along with other Norse imagery, but nothing about the symbol itself or it's Pagan/Heathen uses is inherently racist. Just wanted to clear that up.)

Man guys, I used a lot of parentheses tonight. 

Long awaited (maybe) long overdue (very yes) pictures

Woo! I've only been promising to do this for...uh...how long?

Photos!

First is my current progress on my staff:

I have a crystal to set in the "fork", and I want to woodburn designs into it before I oil it.

I reworked my altar, using a cloth I got at Little Mysteries, and a statue of my guide Ayla I just finished painting. I took the fertility phallus down, and replaced it was a vase of wheat stalks, since we're into the early part of harvest season now. I have also reworked my corner altars, but I'll get photos of them next time.

You may notice in that photo that I have a new athame-- and it's pretty sparkle-tastic. I bought it, and then realized the package warned it might contain lead (more than likely in the brass pommel and guard.) So I coated it with a rustguard varnish, paint, glitter, and more varnish, one, to make it feel more unique to me, and two, to protect myself. I know handling lead itself isn't too bad, but I'm super paranoid about that stuff and don't want to be constantly running to wash my hands after handling it.

Plus, I think it looks badass.

I should also share, thanks to a friend who works at a leather/dead-animal-bits store, Renee and I now have a steer horn apiece, to clean and cure to use as drinking horns.

So stoked.

On Wednesday night we had a bit of a misadventure with a friend and a hanger-on she had been dragging about for awhile. It was probably one of the more formal and intense workings I've done...ever, really. The next night, I felt it prudent (since it's that time of year anyway, and because of everything that went down) to refresh, bless, and ward the apartment. All of the sigils have been renewed, and every means into and out of the house, including fan vents, taps, drains...have all been blessed.

I'm also happy to announce I'm almost done my IDGAF reading! I chose Essential Asatru by Diana L Paxson as my final book, and I only have about 30 pages left to go! I'll talk about it in greater detail once I'm done... This was only meant to be a quickie!

Night all, and enjoy the supermoon tonight!

Meat and P'taters

So I said I'd make a more beefy post, and I meant it.

I haven't been keeping on top of things nearly as well as I should be. Work got pretty intense about 3 months ago, and stayed that way for a really long time. I have a body that can't really handle the desk job I have; a lot of RS pain in my hands and wrists, my neck and back get messed up. Between the physical pain (and being unable to avoid it as we were call after call after call) I started getting a lot of spiraling mental health issues including panic attack and severe stress. Not out of the fire yet, but maybe it's cooling off a little...
Not an excuse, but I have at least been keeping my practice in my mind, and keeping up with my "walking meditations" I tend to do when I'm on my morning commute. And...

Guys my reading is caught up.

I've been beyond stressed out, since the very first book (The Norse Mythology monstrosity) took me twice as long as it should have, that I'd be in full blown panic crunch mode by now.

And then I blasted my way through The Practical Heathen's Guide to Asatru like a goddamn space cannon. And now, here we are, the trailing end of month five, and I'm maybe half an hour away from finishing book five, Witch: A Magickal Journey by Fiona Horne.

I wanted to touch base a bit more in-depth on my feelings about Practical Heathen. I went into it excited, since I was finally going to get the modern pagan/religious/spiritual perspective on the myths I read about in my first book.

First off, I was surprised at the number of little things I found I was reading about that have already been some part of my practice or belief, how many things "clicked". One of the bigger ones was the concept of animism - everything has a spirit, a soul, an energy. She refers to them as "wights", that everything alive or otherwise is a "wight". I've always felt this, and this has been a huge factor in my belief system since I considered myself pagan, and even a bit before I came around to that. Even manmade things and electronics. I tend to personify electronics I use a lot--my computer, my camera, my phone, the xbox--and get pretty attached to them. I honestly feel a lot of these objects absorb the energy of their makers, or their owners--a computer, like any tool, takes on some of the one who uses it. I've always had a stupid amount of luck with (most) of my electronics. I tend to get a lot longer out of them than is logical (says the gal who used to work in computer retail and knows how often things break down.) and usually I will try to fix them myself if me an' google can figure out how.

I really really liked learning about blots, and sumbles. She gave good examples of really simple solo rites, and more involved ones for groups or certain occasions. I'm a pretty firm believer that if your intention is in the right place, the only "wrong" way to do something is "half-assed", but it's nice to have a starting point for communication with the gods.

She was also very open-minded in acknowledging that certain heathens do things differently or that something is how "most" heathens do it, implying "not all". One review I read, and agreed with, is she was very fair in her discussion of Loki, actually devoting a small "annex" to the issue posed by his role in the mythology and whether or not he is worshipped. I knew there were heathens who do not like Loki, and there were "Lokeans" but didn't really understand the nature of the division or what the "norm" was. I feel like I sort of do now.

Overall I was a big fan too of her writing style. It tended towards more relaxed and informal in tone, which I seem to absorb from better than the more "mystical" or stuffy writing style. She threw in a bit of light humor and it was an easy, engaging read. I may look into reading Essential Asatru by Diana Paxson as my last book, to compare, but I haven't decided yet. 

On to Fiona Horne...

This book is pretty awesome. It's lightweight and kind of irreverent in the writing style, which seems to be my preference (see above) as it feels more conversational than academic or fluffy. I've openly giggled a bit more than once.

I'm not necessarily learning a lot about the craft in general that I wasn't already familiar with, though there are a TON of really good ritual and spell ideas in this book which I am absorbing into my mental arsenal of ideas for things. It makes the reading sometimes a bit awkward, as my impatient nature wants me to skip over spells for things I have no interest in (ie. a love spell) but I've been forcing myself to read this cover to cover, since even in a spell I have no specific use for, I may get ideas for something I WILL use.

One thing she seems to refer a lot to is the use of spoken words/phrases during spell work, something I've always had a hard time doing. My most powerful and effective spellwork has always had a spoken component, but I always feel silly saying things out loud. It's something I'm slowly trying to get over, as I think that it helps me focus a lot. She also talks a lot about using an athame. The athame has always been a trouble tool for me. I'm on my third. I'm always super enthused about them when I get it, but my enthusiasm always seems to taper off, like there's something that doesn't quite... fit. We'll see how number 3 does. I did put in a message to a local blacksmith about making a custom blade, which I'd fit my own handle to. I'd have to save up, but it may well be worth it--to have something crafted specifically for me, that I can then "finish" myself might make it more "mine".

I will get some photos soon, of my staff (which really does exist honest) and my altar with its lovely new cloth, and my crazy balcony garden.

Happy soon-to-be-Lughnasadh!

Quick Update

Hey everybody. Just a quickie.

Finished the Practical Heathen's guide to Asatru. Loved it. I don't know if I'd call myself asatru/heathen any time soon, but there were a lot of concepts discussed in the book that were already part of my practice or belief system in some way, under different names. I will write more on it soon, as I have some specifics I'd like to discuss.

My new book I've started is Witch: A Magickal Journey by Fiona Horne. I'm lucky to have a copy of it, which Amy/Jackalope had from back when it was in print.

More meaty update soon, I promise!

Progress

Oh gods guys, it's scary to think there's like, a month and a half left of this. I am so behind on reading, like, I can't even.

But I did finish A Witch Alone. Final thoughts? Really good ideas for meditations, rites, etc. Super fluffy, somewhat preachy, and maddeningly contradictory otherwise. Still perma creeped by her very love n' light approach to deities. But I did take some things from the book, to be sure.

My next book is The Practical Heathen's Guide to Asatru by Patricia M. Lafayllve. Despite starting it less than a week ago, I'm over halfway through it. After reading that other Norse Mythology book at the start of my IDGAF process, I've been wanting to get into a more modern pagan aspect of looking at Norse mythology, deities, and associated practice. I'm not necessary looking to get into Asatru specifically, but I am finding a lot of what I'm reading already meshes pretty closely with my worldview, beliefs, and things I've been doing as part of my practice for quite awhile. I think the fact that I've been specifically looking forward to reading about this is part of why I'm burning through the book so quickly. It also made me go buy a bottle of mead, because mead is mentioned in the sense of use in ritual a lot and I haven't had mead in quite awhile. There is only one kind buyable here, and it used to be awesome but the last few times we had it, it sucked pretty bad. Bum batch, I guess. Ours wont be ready for awhile, but I thought I'd give theirs another shot...this bottle seems better. Maybe just because I really wanted it?

Our local pagan book/goodie shop is closing at the end of next month, after nearly 20 years of business. Our good friend Renee will be out of a fulltime job, and my wife will be out the occasional weekend of part-time casual work. She and I met in that store, and most of my tools which can't be handmade, my crystals, and incense, and candles, are from that store. There is nothing that compares with it in our city, so I'm pretty... sad, and bummed. I went last week with Amy, Visa in hand, and dropped an amount of money I would normally never spend all at once. But I figure, they were things I will not be able to easily get once the store is gone--and since I had the means to get them, I'd rather have them now than pick through leavings once they start selling out of things. I was too late to get a little cast-iron cauldron, which is something I'll have to source elsewhere since I've wanted one for awhile.

I'm going to be updating my altar tonight, and we're doing a full moon consecration ritual. I haven't forgotten I said I'd post a photo of my staff--it's coming along well, I have the sanding done. Now for woodburning, and then oiling, and then affixing my crystal I picked out to go in it. It'll be awhile yet, since I'd kinda like to woodburn some runes into it, but haven't the knowledge to make a sound choice on which to use. I have a book to read called Taking Up The Runes by Diana Paxson, but it'll have to wait until I'm more secure in being able to finish my IDGAF reading.

Cheers for now.

Idgaf Update - A Witch Alone, and a Staff

Video should be fairly self explanatory.

I will get a photo up soon of the staff-I have almost the entire part I'm sanding down, sanded down.

I also need to mention I did go back the next night and clean up all that garbage. I don't outright mind people hanging out in the woods to smoke their weed (I'd rather that than the smell coming into our apartment if they're neighbors) but I wish they'd clean up after themselves.

I should point out I feel always slightly awkward discussing rituals in great detail unless it is something I was planning. Weird like that, I guess. If I'm sparse on details, it's not that it wasn't interesting, it's that I sometimes feel oddly exposed sharing them.

IDGAF Update (Long overdue)

Fair warning: This is basically 13 minutes of me talking, while the video sits there staring at my pots of paint. You've been warned.








Also if anybody is interested, here is the finished product of the dragon I was painting in the "video":

The Way of the Hedge Witch

So I've been pretty bloody awful at writing lately.

My current book that I am working on now is "The Way of the Hedge Witch" by Arin Murphy-Hiscock. I'm enjoying it so far. I had previously read The Way of the Green Witch by the same author, and had enjoyed that as well.

The book is good, though some of the information is very general and touched on very lightly, it takes a nice angle of recognizing spirituality in every thing you do, and devoting time to recognize the significance of daily tasks. I'm enjoying some of the ritual suggestions for create a symbolic "hearth" in your home.

It is a very light read, and I would probably cross-reference the author's information on deities and household spirits, as it's too general to perhaps be overly trustworthy. But y'know, deities terrify me and aren't something I'd consider invoking lightly, so...

I need to buckle down and read though, because we're almost at month 3 and I'm done 1 and 3/4 books..eep!

Work and life and everything in general has been a bit crazy these last few weeks.

Honey Badger posted a blog post prompt:

In the busy world we live in, how do you find time for your spiritual self? How do you maintain your spiritual growth and nurture your inner connection to deity in between meetings, phone calls, traffic jams, family, friends and everything else you do?

One of my favorite times of each day has become my morning walk to work from the bus stop. I could bus closer-I intentionally get off where I do and walk, about 2km, to work. I like the exercise, the fresh air, and I usually put my tunes in and just let my mind go. It isn't always a spiritual place it ends up in, but a lot of the time I do end up having deeply philosophical thoughts, almost meditative experiences--as much as one can have, when there are streets to be crossed and you're walking in a less than stellar part of town. The music is the key; during my workday, as well, if I'm having "a day", I will often pop in my earbuds on my break or lunch and listen to a few songs. When I can't find a specific, set-aside time to be "spiritual", I find those little moments of almost-meditation do wonders for helping me reconnect.

Final Review-Norse Mythology by John Lindow

Woo, what a ride. Finally finished this unholy monstrosity of a book last night, and what a feeling of accomplishment!

I already touched on this quite a bit when I wrote about my reading before, but I'll recap-if you are looking for asatru-related info, or instructions on rituals or rites for working with the Norse pantheon, look elsewhere. This is academic mythology. It is dry, dry, dry. Not even really much in the way of pictures, though there are a few. So it's a lot of hard slog buckle-down reading.

But coming at the pantheon as a total noob, I learned a ton and don't regret reading it. I think now I would feel more prepared looking at a book about asatru or working with the norse deities. I have a better idea of who they all are now, what myths they're associated with, their lineages and exploits. So that was good.

If you'd like to read this book for your initiation (or in general really) here is my advice:

-be prepared to spend 2 months on the one book. I am normally a voracious reader and burn through books almost as fast as literal fire, but I could only handle this in short sessions, with lots of time in between. Info overload, and not exactly gripping reading. (Unless you're a university student and read dry academic shit all the time. Then maybe you'll fare better.)
-pick up an actual "storybook" of the norse myths. In segments on some of the more important figures, this book does expand on the actual stories/myths a bit more than I initially thought, but it's not done in a storytelling fashion, more encyclopaedic.
-if you are already familiar with the norse pantheon and mythology, and are looking for info on spiritual working, skip this and head to a book more geared towards asatru/heathenry in practice. This book doesn't even mention modern paganism that I took note of. But maybe still ideal for a practitioner to read this if you have an interest in a more in-depth academic approach to things.

Glad to have it done. My brain is super loaded with info, but also super exhausted from cramming all that info into it. I've already chosen my next book and dived in, and it's going much easier. Will update again once I have a bit more on that to talk about.

Filler

So this is way overdue. I was going to blog, but I feel like I haven't been home for days. So I thought last night that I would do a vid instead, but ended up feeling horrible. Lack of sleep and barometric pressure were giving me the headache from hell and I was feeling kinda sicky. I'm better today, so fingers crossed that I dodged whatever it was.

So, BOOK. Still plugging away at the Norse Mythology monster. I only have about 100 pages left, which means I'll be done still behind schedule but sooner than I was hoping for, which is good. I grabbed a copy of The Way of the Hedge Witch, which isn't on the initiation list, but The Way of the Green Witch is, and they're from the same author. I will read it as a treat since one thing I did get done last night was a mother load of reading. I started it at work earlier, and am about 15 pages in. Interesting so far.

My plan was to rearrange my altar again, since I had acquired some new bobbles, but headache killed that plan. Later in the week I'll be getting some goodies I painted at the clay cafe, (you buy and paint bisque pieces and they fire it for you) which will be good altar pieces. There is a small leaf bowl, a small oak leaf, and a little cup/bowl in the shape of a drawstring bag. So I'll pretty it up once I have my new goodies, and hopefully by then my head will stop being a dbag. 

We went back to the clay cafe tonight to finish up some shot glasses Amy didn't have time to finish on Sunday. The plan was to pick up a small leaf, to go with the others, to give me something to do while Amy finished her stuff. Somehow that turned into a leaf, a small disk, and Amy and I split a pair of ceramic antlers, which I painted to reflect the four seasons: (oops...$30 later)

If you've never painted bisque before, it will look quite different once it is fired, so consider this the "before" shot. The stuff from Sunday will be ready tomorrow; we'll probably get it Friday. The stuff from tonight sadly won't be ready until next week. Can't wait to set it up on my altar!

Book learnin'

Two posts in one day. Had some catching up to do!

My first book of 6 for my IDGAF initiation is Norse Mythology by John Lindow.

I'm not quite halfway through. It's slow going. It's a very dry, scholarly book. After a 45 page introductory section, everything is in alphabetical order: deities and figures from the mythology, events, places, etc. There is a fair bit of overlap, and some sections with overlapping info seem to be verbatim repeated from multiple places.

I am enjoying how much I am learning; Norse mythology was probably one for the "least versed in" category for me. Before I was approached by one of the Norse gods and started learning in earnest, I more or less knew that Thor had a hammer, Odin had a horse with too many legs, and Loki caused shit to go down. There was something about a giant serpent, and a big tree, and Ragnarok is the end of the world.  For a mythology/archaeology nerd, pretty sad really.

I should mention though, if you're looking for pagan-specific information, this is not a good book to grab. The book states directly, in the introduction, that this is a book of myths, not religion. Everything is in a historical context. There's a lot of focus on the historical side of the mythology, the skalds and poets who left most of it behind, the various scholarly interpretations of translations and references and kennings; and a lot of the information contradicts--because it does. There is no reference to modern pagan practice or Asatru that I've come across yet. If you're looking for information on working with the Norse gods, and not so much on the mythology itself,  again, probably not a book for you. It is good for a newbie to the mythology however, because I am starting to understand things now, and can recognize various deities and the stories associated with them. Reading reviews, a lot of people sum up my thoughts pretty well: this is more of an encyclopedia or textbook, than a collection of narratives.

I read this after reading a very short book with a lot of the actual stories in it: Norse Mythology: Great Stories from the Eddas and I would recommend doing the same--pair this book up with another book with the actual stories, laid out as stories rather than an encyclopaedia. I think I'm following it better for at least having had a brief intro to the "characters" I'm now reading about.

I'm pretty confident I will not be done this book by next week, because reading it isn't as easy as I'd like, but if I go a bit late on finishing, I'll just pick a somewhat lighter book for next month to give my brain a rest.